Ramblings of the depraved.....
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Just between you and I
Posted:Sep 26, 2016 5:20 pm
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2020 4:32 pm
0 Comments , 42 Pending
On Today's Episode of 'What Could Go Wrong??'
Posted:Oct 28, 2020 3:52 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2020 5:41 pm

It's official!

First it was one, then it was , and now there are more COVID cases at the high school in the span of one wee

All schools are closed as of tonight for cleaning and sanitizing!

The email said classes will be resuming on Monday.... I'm betting they do not!

In other news....

I managed to wear an olive for a large portion of my day today.

It was fantastic!

Even better??

I wasn't the one who noticed I had an olive dried to the exposed chest skin from my v-neck blouse.

Damn those face masks!!

Between fogged glasses and not having the ability to see below my nose anymore....

I didn't realize I had an olive dried to my chest until a customer said to me, "Honey, you got something black on ya".

Hunched over, adjusting her glasses to get a closer loo.. She scrutinized my olive while I blindly tried flick it off.

" the left hun... No, left. LEFT!"

"I am going left...."

Why is she getting mad at ?? It's my boob and my olive!

"Oh, I'm sorry hun, my left."

Giving up, I just blindly swooped my hand across my chest until I felt the olive rolling against my palm.

It's an odd, disgusting feeling.....

"You got it sweetie. Thank God, I hate olives."

Yah, must have been terrible for you be forced see that olive on my chest!

I contemplated popping it in my mouth and eating it while she watched, after that comment. The look on her face would have been priceless!!

Instead I laughed and threw it in the garbage

We'll just chalk it up a Wednesday.
Observations from the Spawn
Posted:Oct 27, 2020 5:07 pm
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2020 3:20 pm

"Oh My God mom! Your hair literally looks like a bird nest!!"

"Thanks! That's the look I was going for!"

Teenagers.... Can't live with them.... Can't dump them off on the gypsies....

Believe , I tried. They gave her back!
"She had long wavy hair and pretty blue eyes...."
Posted:Oct 27, 2020 2:24 am
Last Updated:Oct 28, 2020 5:42 pm

I started my day, yesterday, with a very kind message from one of my readers.

Not going to lie, it made me smile and totally made my day!

I know that my writing styles aren't going to be for everyone, but for the people that do like what I have to say, it always touches me a little when they reach out to tell me their thoughts. I often find it is the posts that I debate over the most that end up being the posts that are most memorable to others.

And, like everyone else, it feels good to receive those unsolicited comments and compliments. It kind of gives me a glimpse into their life, as well....

I was part way through my day when our Regional VP's Administrative Assistant emailed me to get the identity of our of our employees.

This happens often....

A customer is so impressed by their level of service that they reach out to corporate to relay their experience. While a customer always remembers the level of service they received, they don't always remember the name of the employee that impressed them.

I was reading through the customers written comment and I was recognizing what was being stated.

This customer had gone to our company's Faceplace page and posted this very, very kind compliment about our store and our employee with the long wavy hair and pretty blue eyes.

I was that employee.

She and her granddaughters had been in search of a certain product and when I talked to them they had already given up hope finding it. After we had parted, I decided to take the next step and search out the clearance section to see if maybe we had it tucked away somewhere in that clearance wasteland....

And we did!

I ended up hunting her down in the store and making her granddaughter's day that day! Saving her money to boot as the item was now on clearance....

I was pretty smiley when I emailed her back to let her know it was me. It's not all that often an Office Girl gets the opportunity to receive a customer compliment.

It was a feel good day yesterday.... One of those days where you feel like you kind of do make a difference in the world around you. It's days like yesterday that make up for all those terrible days when you feel invisible, and overwhelmed, and wonder why, exactly, you keep on going.
Death by Pumpkin Seed
Posted:Oct 26, 2020 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2020 7:08 pm

Yes, I'm that weird freak that likes eat pumpkin seeds.

The salt.... The crisp bark texture.... The razor sharp shards of seed embedded between your teeth....

Who wouldn't LOVE eat pumpkin seeds?!?

Deputy Don carved pumpkins with his munchkin last week, roasting the seeds bring work and give away.

I was munching away on them in my office this morning when my Work BFF stopped by my office to chat.

One thing led to another and I wound up laughing my ass off, pumpkin seed debris slowly filtering into my lungs, blocking off my airways.

"Holy crap..." cough, cough, cough, "I think I inhaled a pumpkin seed!"

"Are you going to be ok?" Hard slap to my back, pretty sure I saw stars.

"Jesus, you almost slapped my mask off...." Hack, cough, gasp.

"Holy shit, drink some of this water." A half empty bottle of water appeared out of nowhere, I took a sip.

"Ugh!! Where did that come from?? I think I'm good now, I swallowed the seed."

"It was on your desk, it's yours, isn't it?"

Um, yah.... It was NOT my water. I have no idea where it even came from.

"Oh, good God... I have no idea where that water came from."

More laughter from the of us....

"If I wind up calling in sick tomorrow, you'll know why."

Here's to death by pumpkin seed and mysterious water!

Happy Monday!
Guess what day it is folks?
Posted:Oct 25, 2020 1:26 pm
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2020 2:31 am

If you said... Hangover Sunday, you are a winner!

So, yah... Did a lot of drinking Day Drinking Saturday, not going lie. Made some brownies, ate some pizza, attempted clean out my bedroom closet....

THAT was a mistake!

I only managed make a giant mess that my now hungover ass doesn't want put away.

I'll save that calamity for another day....

For now, I'll remain cocooned on my couch, wrapped in my fuzzy blanket, watching cheesy Halloween movies with the kitty while she purrs in my ear.

Happy Sunday!
Is that the putrid stench of death?
Posted:Oct 24, 2020 6:03 am
Last Updated:Oct 27, 2020 7:06 pm

There are moments in life where you begin seriously doubt your sanity....

Am I hearing things? There is nobody around me....

Did I just see that move?? I could have sworn it was sitting over there a moment ago...

Where is that God awful smell coming from??? The garbage has been taken out, the dishes are done, and I scooped the kitty box....

I was in the kitchen this morning making myself a cup of coffee when....

Inhaling deeply, I closed my eyes become one with my fresh brewed delight.... Only....

It wasn't the smell of coffee I was taking in.

"Oh My God!! What the am I smelling??"

After scouring my postage stamp sized kitchen for 20 minutes and finding nothing, I decided follow my nose.

My nose took me to the cupboard when I keep the Instapot, the crock pot, the ice cream maker, and the cookie cutters.

"Jesus Christ, what died in here??"

I pulled all out, emptying the cupboard expecting find a dead mouse.


was when I was putting all back in that I discovered, the Instapot wasn't exactly empty.

"Oh dear God, when is the last time I used this thing??"

So I scanned the ole memory banks trying remember when I cooked in last.

Last weekend.... I made pork country ribs in and then broiled them in the oven when I got back from the gym. The Spawn had done dishes while I was at the gym so I could just turn on the oven and finish them off.

I knew immediately she didn't wash the pot.

Me - Hey!! Explain me why I nearly passed out from the smell coming from the unwashed Instapot?

Spawn - was gross. I didn't want wash .

Me - Then WHY did you let me put away knowing was still dirty????

Spawn - I was weighing my options.

Me - Weighing your options??

Spawn - By the time I get home, you won't be mad anymore.

Which brings me here and now... I feel as though I've gone battle and come back scarred. The sight from the inside of that pot will forever be burned into my memory.

But, is now clean.

I've earned my Saturday day drinking.
The Ball Pincher is back....
Posted:Oct 23, 2020 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Oct 24, 2020 2:07 pm

Today's message said...

Think u could swat a guys balls around?

Depends on what he wants me to swat them with.....

Fly swatter?


Looks like it's going to be another crappy, rainy weekend in. This weather is just killing me. Nothing but rain and gloom...


It's been a while since I got a good drunk on, I'm thinking tomorrow night sounds perfect. The Spawn will be at her dad's so I don't have to argue about what movie to watch next AND I can talk back to the TV without seeing her disapproving scowl from the corner of my eye.

5 Elements of a Successful Zoom Meeting
Posted:Oct 22, 2020 10:13 pm
Last Updated:Oct 25, 2020 1:26 am

1. There should always be, at minimum, four subject matter experts present the information. One expert that has literally no idea what he is presenting and three others who are completely incapable sharing their screen. This will add, at minimum, 15 minutes the length of the presentation as they chat back and forth asking whether or not we can 'see their screen'.

2. Every successful Zoom Meeting should be attended by at least 60 individuals all in various states of work. At minimum, ten of them should neglect put their computer on mute so the rest of the audience can hear them crunching on snack foods, yelling at pets and , and burping and groaning in the background.

3. At least two members of the audience should be brown nosing, attention , over achievers who want add or clarify every fucking statement made. Their web cams will be on and everyone attending the meeting will be forced watch them as they lean into their laptops 'clarifying' the subject matter expert with information the rest of us already know. They haven't made their point until the rest of us can see up their nostrils.

4. The Subject Matter Expert with the most knowledge and best understanding of the material being presented will have the most trouble with their computer. Audio will disappear, their screen will freeze, and they will lose their connection at least twice during their presentation. This presents an opening for the least knowledgeable expert to ask if anyone has any questions he can answer, then answer them all by saying "Let's put that in the parking lot and ask [missing expert] when they're back online."

5. The Zoom Call should end as haphazardly as it started. The 60 members of the audience should all simultaneously unmute their computers and ask questions at the same time. Who gives a shit about a chat function?!? The Presenters will have run out of time as the call went long and they have another one to attend for a different region of the company. The annoying woman who had been loudly crunching on chips through the whole call will have reached the end of the bag and will be pouring the crumbs into her mouth on webcam for all to see.

And, there you have it folks! The five elements of a successful Zoom Meeting.

Personally, I prefer to be the silent observer on these things.... Camera off, multi tasking, only using the chat function if and when I have questions.

Happy Zooming!
What's the point?
Posted:Oct 21, 2020 3:05 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2020 10:28 pm

I don't normally complain about this stuff.

We're all on here experiencing the same stupid shit. Wanna chat with someone when you're not a Gold Star Super Fancy Premium Member, you have spend some .

It's the way it is, and I accept it. If I feel like responding a chat, I chat. It doesn't bother spend the .... If it's worth it.

Here's the part that pisses off though.

When a person initiates a chat, and you respond, SPENDING YOUR , only have them not speak another word.


There you sit, once comment in, 17 down the drain, and all you've managed accomplish is....


The worst part? Having it be someone you know...

I need pick better friends.
It's midnight, I'm awake, and it's too fucking hot in here.
Posted:Oct 20, 2020 9:44 pm
Last Updated:Oct 22, 2020 10:17 pm

What are three things that are currently pissing off at the moment, Alex?

I fell asleep too early tonight, I just couldn't keep my eyes open. Hell, I didn't even go to the gym tonight, I fell asleep THAT early....

You would think the rain could gently lull me back to sleep?

Maybe if I hadn't turned the heat up earlier because I was cold it wouldn't be surface of the sun hot in here right now....

So, here I sit, window cracked in my bedroom, waiting for the temp to cool off enough that I can crawl back into bed.

Middle of the night frustrations.
Only at the Dollar Store...
Posted:Oct 19, 2020 11:05 pm
Last Updated:Oct 21, 2020 3:36 am

Can you stop in to by toilet paper and snack food and leave contemplating the meaning of life.

It's a given.

I told the Spawn I was going to stop at the dollar store after the gym to pick up some TP and she jumped at the chance to come also.

"Oh, dollar store! Can I come?? Dad gave me $20."

"Sure, if you want to sit in the car for an hour."

"I'll bring my phone."

The convenient thing about this dollar store is that it's RIGHT around the corner from the gym I go to.


I can be a little gross and sweaty and still feel like I belong. I blend right in with Cat Hair Lady in the Health and Beauty isle and White Trash Family ransacking the rest of the store.

We were waiting in line when I realized I recognized the guy who was at the register in front of us.

The years had not been kind him....

Growing up he had been someone I'd always had a crush on and it was hard believe that he and I were basically the same age. He'd been the first boy kind of flirt with , way back in the ninth grade, when he somehow managed unscrew a screw from the bus wall and hand it , saying... "Wanna screw?"

And now, here he was, haggling with the cashier about what put back because he didn't have enough cash, he was short by a dollar something.

"I've got dollar, don't put it bac"

The Spawn was in front of , so I handed her a dollar and some change and she handed it the cashier.

"Hey, thank you, I really appreciate that."

"No problem."

Which brings the contemplating part....

What if, back in the day, I had gone on a date with him when he asked out. Would his life have changed for the better? Would mine have changed for the worse? Or, would everything have turned out exactly as it has?

Personally, I think everything happens for a reason.... So, regardless of what I did back then, everything would have turned out exactly as it has.
Someone fire that truck driver!
Posted:Oct 19, 2020 3:52 am
Last Updated:Oct 20, 2020 9:09 pm

You know... The one that hit with a Mack Truck!

My Middle has been sending gym techniques that he is learning and wanting incorporate in my gym routine.

Oh My Fucking God....

Even thought I have been CHEATING, I still feel like I want die this morning. Every muscle in my entire body is sore.

Over the course of the weekend I managed spend 90 minutes on the treadmill as well as workout my arms, legs, and core...

Good God....

I made him a promise that I'm going start doing a little something extra every time I go, I know that eventually it's going get just a little easier.

It made cry see him say "you can do this ma".

Little shit... Using all that love and encouragement get change my life for the better.


How dare he?!?

Happy Monday!!

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