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Koan me
Posted:Jul 24, 2021 8:05 am
Last Updated:Jul 25, 2021 10:48 am
496 Views

Who is writing this?

I am.
6 Comments
River rushing below bluffs
Posted:Jul 19, 2021 6:40 am
Last Updated:Jul 26, 2021 6:10 am
585 Views

River rushing below bluffs
written July 7th, 2021

I dream of the bluffs
we visited that day
river rushing below
demarcating freedom

these years of practicing
flying away across fields
in preparation for this night
have made my wings strong

can I reach the bluffs?
float out over the river below?
escape these fields and rows
encompassing my life

I fly towards my future
until wings collapse trembling
on the edge of becoming
or breaking into pieces
I fall to the ground

Not to the bluffs
and river rushing below
not this time
but one night soon
with these wings made strong.
6 Comments
Poet after poet
Posted:Jul 17, 2021 5:10 am
Last Updated:Jul 17, 2021 6:05 pm
790 Views

Poet after poet
written July 10th, 2021

Day by day, and poem by poem
my home and my life
fill with friends and lovers
who took the time to write to me
through the years and distances.

Jane Kenyon sits
on the corner of
my dining room table
a pool of calm
for me to dip into
anytime I need.

1 poets (I counted)
from Copper Canyon Press
are in residence between the covers
of The Gift of Tongues.
They enliven the desk where I write
always falling into respectable order
when I peak in before writing.

Mary Oliver, Pablo Neruda
Olga Broumas, W S Merwin
and other dear friends
sit on my shelves
sometimes amiably discussing
other times heatedly debating
each other's sock choices.

George Bilgere, Ellen Bass
and Gregory Orr
have seduced me
filling me with awe
as they stimulate my mind
my lovers far away
who talk to me in chapbooks.

Poet after poet
I wonder how many
I have not met
because I have not found them yet
or they were not preserved or published.

I bow my head
in a moment of grateful silence
to those known and unknown
who make my world
a more lively place.
5 Comments
Fatigue
Posted:Jul 16, 2021 12:25 pm
Last Updated:Jul 16, 2021 5:14 pm
1095 Views

Fatigue
written July th, 2021

Fatigued
I swim
up through the years

overshooting
into a desert dry
future wasteland

so I dive
back down
trying to reach

today.
2 Comments
Sudden grace
Posted:Jul 9, 2021 7:04 am
Last Updated:Jul 10, 2021 5:13 am
1232 Views

Sudden Grace
written July 6th, 2021

I wait
for these moments
of sudden grace

light piercing dark storm clouds
a perfect note improbably held in song
the golden hawk on a suburban tree branch

when suddenly
I can breath.
4 Comments
Definitions of hurt
Posted:Jun 28, 2021 12:09 pm
Last Updated:Jun 30, 2021 9:07 am
1895 Views

Definitions of hurt
written March 14th, 2021

My story is not
of physical violence and love withheld.
My story
is of violation and love mixed together.

When love is defined that way
with things that don't leave marks
on a afraid cry
different definitions of hurt
are learned by the body - by my body.

You reach out touch my pussy
I say, "Please don't hurt "
you say, "I would never hurt you"
and then you touch
pushing things into
not understanding
that my body learned
my body knows
my body screams in pain
at that intimate touch that
the world defines as pleasure

"Don't hurt ?" I ask
you don't understand
my definition of hurt
my inability say
I know you would want say
certainly any sane adult would say

"No. That hurts. Stop. I don't want this."
5 Comments
Happy endings
Posted:Jun 27, 2021 4:28 am
Last Updated:Jun 28, 2021 4:38 am
1871 Views

Happy endings
written June 8th, 2021

I think about stories
with happy endings
that everyone recognizes
as appropriate and proper.

It is what people expect
resolution, the good guys win
happiness rules the day
the story is completed.

My life is a story
which I write in my poems
though I am not sure
what the ending will be.

I want to tell my story
with the ending unknown
I need for this
to be enough.
6 Comments
I wouldn't save much except...
Posted:Jun 22, 2021 8:00 am
Last Updated:Jun 23, 2021 7:07 am
2298 Views

I wouldn't save much except...
written January 22nd, 2021

There is not much
I want to save from my childhood
growing up in a small farm town
except for...

Sunsets exploding gently over the fields
colors rolling as far as the eye could see
red orange yellow pink
marking the transition
from day into night.

Sitting on that swing
hung on the swing-set
we used to play on as .
I would sit there at night
staring up at the stars
imagining the night air
wrapped around me
like a blanket.

Books sitting outside our garage
when I got off the bus
donations for my mom's club
would I find rabbits that talked?
architect's grand visions?
those books my ticket
to far off worlds.

Neighbors and pets
in the yards around ours
part of the fabric
of my life day to day
running through their yards
playing with their dogs
wondering about their lives
so close to mine.

The plum tree
that profusely gave us
bushels of plums one summer
then died.
The walnut tree that my father
and then the squirrels thought
was a fantastic idea.
The raspberries
that never made it into the house
because I ate them
still warm from the sun.

The ballet in Chicago with my dad
magical every time
but sitting at eye level that first time
for the Nutcracker
and being taken away
by dance, costumes, sets, and music
to a fantastical world.

Playing stamps
with Grandpa
in early elementary school.
I was the quiet
He always said
he didn't know how
to spell the countries either
but I think he really did know.

There is not much
I want to save from my childhood
except for these things
which make me smile
and transport me
to happy moments
which did exist.
3 Comments
Thought for the day from Ursula K Le Guin
Posted:Jun 21, 2021 8:46 am
Last Updated:Jul 6, 2021 2:42 pm
2521 Views

From the essay: "Where Do You Get Your Ideas From?"
by: Ursula K Le Guin
In: The World Split Open: Great Authors on How and Why We Write

"Fiction results from imagination working one experience. We shape experience in our minds so that it makes sense. We force the world to be coherent, to tell us a story.

Not only fiction writers do this; we all do it; we do it constantly, in order to survive. People who can't make the world into a story, go mad. Or, like infants or (perhaps) animals, they live in a world that has no history, no time but now."
3 Comments
Visible
Posted:Jun 20, 2021 6:44 am
Last Updated:Jun 21, 2021 5:41 pm
2444 Views

And everyday was difficult, walking around and knowing that people saw me one way, knowing that they were wrong, so completely wrong, that the real me was invisible them. didn't even exist them.
So: If nobody sees you, are you still ?

—Akwaeke Emezi, The Death of Vivek Oji

Visible
written June 5th, 2021

I slowly approach
the idea of
being visible
after a lifetime of
being afraid
of being seen.

Being invisible
is a kind of protection.
If I can be invisible
disappear even myself
the pain
won't exist.

I can testify
the pain still felt
even when
holding perfectly still
invisible the world.

Self is something
we are alone with
by our selves
but also
something we are
in relation
with others.

I reach out with this poem
declare my self
you.
claim my space
in this world.
begin reveal
me.
4 Comments
I want to eat my life
Posted:Jun 18, 2021 3:53 pm
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2021 6:56 am
2700 Views

I want eat my life
—Olga Broumas, "If I Yes", Gift of Tongues

I want to eat my life
written June th, 2021

I
me, us, we
he, she, they
singular
plural
all of us
all of me.
I

want
that aching sensual word
not the bare factualness of need
something born in the soul
it takes hope want
and incredible bravery.
I want

eat
slowly like little bites of chocolate
then voraciously like melting ice cream
all of it - every last bite
because it is my favorite thing in the world.
I want eat

my
mine - not borrowed -
not shared - not apologized for -
not stolen - not ashamed of -
not asked for - begged for - pleaded for
mine.
I want to eat my

life
I want to love it - build it -
want it - claim it - live it fully
from top to bottom and side to side
every inch of it known, explored and claimed.
I want to eat my life.
8 Comments
Survival of the fittest
Posted:Jun 3, 2021 4:55 pm
Last Updated:Jun 19, 2021 6:57 am
3645 Views

Survival of the fittest
written October th, 2020

Survival of the fittest.
What does that mean?
Fit for what?

Fit for keeping a multitude of shameful secrets?

Fit for being able fill multiple mutually exclusive roles?

Fit for loving the ones who hurt you over and over?

Fit for hiding in plain sight?

So you survive
and you are so good at being invisible
that nobody can see you.

You love passionately
moments from the past
and books from the present.

You are a multitude
but none is complete
or known by the world.

You hold the secrets inside of you
until you are the only one
that remembers them.

None of these skills
help you
in the real world.

Sometimes the result

isn't survival of the fittest

but just survival of those that survive.

______________________
I usually include thoughts about writing the poem, but I think commenting is broken, so here are my thoughts:
I have written myself out of life for so long, and erased myself even from my own poems. Here is another one that has been sitting in my notebook for so long. I don't know if posting it brings some resolution, or if now I will just need write this poem again. I have heard that healing is a spiral. Perhaps the next version of this poem, will be more complete.
2 Comments
Time reveals
Posted:Jun 2, 2021 7:10 am
Last Updated:Jun 2, 2021 3:47 pm
4527 Views

Time reveals
written May 25th, 2021

Time gradually reveals
treasures dear
lines of poetry
flows of water
buds on the tree

they feed the soul
if patience perseveres
polishing
raw painful shards
until they crack open
revealing glorious brilliance
that shines briefly

time dearest
just another day
another second
hold on
for time to reveal
her treasures.
2 Comments

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Most Recent Comments by Others

Post Poster Post Date
Koan me (6)slo2600
Jul 30, 2021 11:36 pm
River rushing below bluffs (11)69ereatwetpussy
Jul 26, 2021 6:01 am
Poet after poet (5)kamaruhl3
Jul 17, 2021 5:46 pm
Fatigue (3)kamaruhl3
Jul 16, 2021 1:40 pm
Sudden grace (4)pagancountrygirl
Jul 9, 2021 4:42 pm
Definitions of hurt (6)xDude456
Jun 28, 2021 8:03 pm
Happy endings (13)upsidedownsky
Jun 28, 2021 4:18 am
I wouldn't save much except... (3)kamaruhl3
Jun 22, 2021 7:32 pm
Visible (5)69ereatwetpussy
Jun 21, 2021 4:26 pm
Thought for the day from Ursula K Le Guin (3)FresnoWoman
Jun 21, 2021 1:51 pm
I want to eat my life (8)nsnguystill
Jun 19, 2021 4:41 am