|
Blonde Samaritan 2/24/2007
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She
jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the
door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name
is Heather, and you're losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When
the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches
up Again. She jumps out of her car, runs ...
1 Comments, 144 Views,
10 Votes
,3.58 Score
|
|
Ouch! 2/23/2007
There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He
became very depressed because he had loved to play guitar
and a lot of things that took two arms.
One day he had had it. He decided to commit suicide. He got
on an elevator and went to the top of a building to jump off.
He was standing on the ledge looking down and saw this man
skipping along, whistling and kicking up his ...
0 Comments, 101 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
|
|
for the ladies 2/23/2007
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash
his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry
room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the
washing machine?"
"It depends, " I replied. "What does
it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma "
And they say blondes are dumb... ...
4 Comments, 361 Views,
15 Votes
,6.19 Score
|
|
Affair # 3 2/21/2007
***********************************************************************************
The Third Affair A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to
examine the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated. As he
examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an amazing
discovery. Schwartz had the longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm ...
0 Comments, 115 Views,
7 Votes
,4.57 Score
|
|
The affair # 5 2/21/2007
***********************************************************************************
The Fifth Affair
A man walks into a nightclub one night. He goes up to the bar
and asks for a beer. "Certainly, Sir , that'll be 1 cent." "One
Cent?", exclaimed the man. So the man glances over at the menu and asks, "Could I have a nice
juicy T-bone steak, with chips, peas and a fried egg?" "Certainly Sir,
" ...
0 Comments, 106 Views,
6 Votes
,4.22 Score
|
|
Sixth affair 2/21/2007
***********************************************************************************
The Sixth Affair Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight
vigil by his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face.
Her praying roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to
move slightly. "Becky my darling, " he whispered. "Hush
my love, " she said. " ...
1 Comments, 118 Views,
6 Votes
,3.08 Score
|
|
Memories! 2/21/2007
Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement
home Reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and
demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness
of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be
much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size
of two big onions she could buy for a penny a ...
0 Comments, 117 Views,
8 Votes
,4.41 Score
|
|
O boy! 2/21/2007
A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book,
and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy
asked why he wore his collar that way.
The man, who was a priest, said, " I am a Father."
The little boy replied "My Daddy doesn't wear
his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered "I
am the Father of many."
The boy said "My Dad has 4 ...
0 Comments, 109 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
Lesson from a donkey! 2/21/2007
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried
to figure out what to do.
Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed
to be covered up anyway, it just wasn't worth it to retrieve
the donkey.
He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They
all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the ...
0 Comments, 107 Views,
6 Votes
,3.37 Score
|
|
Not a Joke! 2/21/2007
A hospital volunteer, a former school teacher, was asked
to visit a in the burn unit. The class the was missing, she was told,
was studying a unit on adverbs in English. The volunteer was not prepared
for what she found: a boy horribly burned over most of his body, hardly
recognizable at all. The volunteer did the best she could with him, and frankly
was glad when her time was up so she could ...
0 Comments, 80 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
|
|
Stress 2/21/2007
An Indian went to a psychiatrist, complaining of insomnia.
The doctor asked 'what seems to be the problem?'
The indian said 'Doc, at night, I have one dream that
I'm a wigwam, another night I dream I'm a tepee....
Can you help me?' The doctor leans back, deep in thought. A few minutes later
he says 'I think I know what your problem is...... you're
two tents!'
0 Comments, 91 Views,
5 Votes
,0.86 Score
|
|
Perils in 'briefs' 2/21/2007
The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your
headaches. The bad news is that it will require castration. You have a very
rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your
spine and the pressure creates one hell of a headache. The only way to
relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles."
Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything
to live ...
2 Comments, 88 Views,
2 Votes
,2.42 Score
|
|
Little Johnny 2/21/2007
This old retired sat on her front porch every morning
. As little Johnny was walking by one day she sticks he pinky
finger up and says Hello LIttle boy .This went on for 3 or
4 days makeing Little Johnny wonder why she always stuck
her pinky up and hollered Hello Little boy. So he marches
up to her porch one moring and ask her as he is copying he gesture
witht the pinky , ,just why do u tell ...
1 Comments, 181 Views,
5 Votes
,2.82 Score
|
|
Cock and Balls go to a party 2/20/2007
Cock tells balls, "hey lets go to a party." balls="no, everytime we go to a party you always go
in leaving us outside knocking"
0 Comments, 77 Views,
3 Votes
,3.92 Score
|
|
3 LITTLE MICE..... 2/20/2007
(NOTE: SAY TO OPPOSITE SEX)
THERE WERE 4 LITTLE MICE. 3 MALES, 1 FEMALE. ALL WERE ASTRONAUTS
& SET TO BLAST OFF TO OUTER SPACE. WHEN THEY GOT THERE,
THE SPACESHIP BROKE DOWN WITH NO WAY OF FIXING IT SOON. THE
FEMALE MOUSE WAS FRANTIC. SHE GOES TO THE 1ST MALE MOUSE
& SAYS, "PLEASE TELL ME HOW TO GET BACK HOME"
PLEASE... SO HE SAYS, "FUCK ME & I'LL TELL
YA".... SO SHE FUCKS HIM BUT HE TELLS ...
1 Comments, 116 Views,
8 Votes
,0.93 Score
|
|
Texas 2/20/2007
A well built young man from Texas went to a Hollywood party.
An experienced blonde party-goer invited him upstairs
for a private party.
Take off your jacket Tex. As he removed his jacket , she remarked
" you have a very big chest." He responded, "
everything is big in Texas ma-am".
She helped Tex remove his shirt and commented, "your
biceps are very large" Tex replied, "everything
is ...
0 Comments, 99 Views,
4 Votes
,1.30 Score
|
|
Audience with the pope 2/19/2007
The Seven Dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are
THE Seven Dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey
leads the pack. "Dopey, my , " says the Pope,
"what can I do for you?"
"Excuse me, Your Excellency, but are there any dwarf
nuns in Rome?"
The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for
a moment, and answers "No, Dopey, there are no dwarf
nuns in ...
0 Comments, 58 Views,
2 Votes
,3.81 Score
|
|
Verbally Disadvantaged 2/18/2007
Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading
America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans, and West Virginians
will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."
You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.
And furthermore...
HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed
a "LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY."
2. ...
0 Comments, 93 Views,
5 Votes
,2.49 Score
|
|
The Adventure of Piss Pot Pete 2/17/2007
There was a Queen who wore a crown And swore no man would lay her down. Then, over the hill comes Piss Pot Pete, Eighteen inches of hard'n swinging meat. He made his moves, he made his pass And stuck his dick right up in Her ass! But the Queen was smart and ripped a fart That shot his balls five feet apart! So over the hill goes Piss Pot Pete, and his pound and a half of shredded meat.
0 Comments, 67 Views,
3 Votes
,2.45 Score
|
|
Prepared for your arrival! 2/17/2007
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room,
So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally
Typed wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error,
he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just
returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check
her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. ...
0 Comments, 113 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
Confession! 2/17/2007
A sixteen-year-old virgin girl went for confession.
"Father, forgive me for I have sinned. I called a man
a -of-a-bitch yesterday."
"Why did you call him a -of-a-bitch?" the
priest asked.
"Because, Father, he touched my arm without permission."
"Do you mean like this?" He touches her arm.
"Yes, Father."
"That's no reason to call him a -of-a-bitch."
"But Father, ...
0 Comments, 165 Views,
3 Votes
,5.39 Score
|
|
Two good reasons! 2/17/2007
One Early morning a mother went to her sleeping and woke
him up. MOM : "Wake up, . It's time to go to school."
: "But why, Mama? I don't want to go to school."
MOM : "Give me two reasons why you don't want to
go to school." : "One, all the chilldren hate me. Two, all the
teachers hate me." MOM : "Oh! that's not a reason. Come on, you have
to go to school." : "Give me two good reasons WHY I ...
0 Comments, 150 Views,
6 Votes
,4.79 Score
|
|
Girls at different ages! 2/17/2007
What is the difference between girls aged: 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68? At 8 - You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18 - You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28 - You don't need to tell her a story to take her to
bed. At 38 - She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48 - You tell her a story to avoid going to bed. At 58 - You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68 - If you take ...
0 Comments, 96 Views,
4 Votes
,3.25 Score
|
|
Killed the Pig! 2/17/2007
George W. Bush and his driver were going to Air Force One
and were passing a farm. A pig jumped out in the road suddenly.
The driver tried to get out of the way, but he hit him. He went
in the farm to explain what had happened. He came out with
a beer, a cigar, and a tons of money. Bush saw this and said,
"My God, what did you tell them?" The driver
replied, "I told them that I'm George W. ...
0 Comments, 89 Views,
5 Votes
,5.75 Score
|
|
Gold urinal! 2/17/2007
Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get
acquainted' tour of the White House.
After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President
Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished
to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!
That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the
urinal. "Just think, " he said, "when
I am President, I'll ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
|
|
Fire! 2/17/2007
WASHINGTON (Reuters) - A tragic fire on Monday destroyed
the personal library of President George W. Bush. Both
of his books have been lost.
Presidential spokesman Ari Fleischer said the president
was devastated, as he had not finished coloring the second
one.
0 Comments, 59 Views,
4 Votes
,5.57 Score
|
|
My Birthday! 2/17/2007
LAST WEEK WAS MY BIRTHDAY AND I DIDN'T FEEL VERY WELL
WAKING UP THAT MORNING. I WENT DOWNSTAIRS FOR BREAKFAST HOPING MY WIFE
WOULD BE PLEASANT AND SAY, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!", AND POSSIBLY HAVE
A PRESENT FOR ME. AS IT TURNED OUT, SHE BARELY SAID GOOD MORNING, LET ALONE "HAPPY
BIRTHDAY."
I THOUGHT... WELL, THAT'S MARRIAGE FOR YOU, BUT THE
WILL REMEMBER. MY CAME INTO BREAKFAST AND DIDN'T SAY A ...
2 Comments, 106 Views,
8 Votes
,4.87 Score
|
|
NEWS FLASH!!!! 2/17/2007
NEWS FLASH!!!!!MICHEAL JACKSON DIED OF FOOD POISONING.APPARENTLY
HE ATE SOME 9 YEAR OLD BOYZ NUTS!!!!
0 Comments, 42 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
PUSSY 2/17/2007
PUSSY IS LIKE A PEACH.IT'S FAT, FULL OF JUICES, &
IF U GO IN DEEP ENOUGH, YOU'LL GET A NUT......
0 Comments, 58 Views,
0 Votes
|
|
Another Pussy Tail! 2/17/2007
We were dressed and ready to go out for the New Years Eve Party.
We turned on a night light, turned the answering machine
on, covered our pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard.
We phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The
taxi arrived and we opened the front door to leave the house.
The cat we put out in the yard, scoots back into the house. We didn't want the cat shut ...
0 Comments, 76 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
|
|
