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" Larger Breasts " 3/2/2017
A woman showes up at her Dr.'s office requesting larger
breasts. The Dr. explaines the different options for breast
augmentaion, implants and the such. "No surgery"
she says. Anything but the surgery. There must be another
way. There is says the Dr. But you must be very dillagent
in the process. Each day, three times. once in the morning,
again around mid-day and once more before bed, I want ...
0 Comments, 82 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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"THE COMA" 3/1/2017
A woman lay in the hospital bed. She has been in a coma for
two months, with little hope of any change. The nurses noticed
while bathing her that when they washed her privat areas,
she responded some. Her eyes moved, an ever so slight slight
smile. They reported what they had noticed to her Dr.. He
consulted with other Dr's and they called the husband
in explaining what the nurses had found and ...
1 Comments, 80 Views,
3 Votes
,3.43 Score
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Why did the chicken cross the road? 3/1/2017
To get to the other side!
0 Comments, 18 Views,
3 Votes
,0.49 Score
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On the beach 2/27/2017
Two fleas met on the beach in Cuba , one of them had a terrible
flu. "What happened to to you" asked his friend.
"I came down on the moustache of a man on a motorcycle"
"look, next year you go to the airport, get on a toilet
seat in the stewardesses' lounge, and you'll
have a have a nice soft warm ride down." "Sounds
good, " wheezed the flea I'll try it." The next winter the two fleas met on the ...
0 Comments, 75 Views,
7 Votes
,3.30 Score
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CHICAGO 2/26/2017
I was in Macon Ga. the other day. I saw a bumper sticker on
a parked car that read:
"I miss Chicago ."
So I broke the window, stole the radio, shot out two of the
tires, added an Obama bumper sticker and left a note that
read, "I hope this helps.”
1 Comments, 63 Views,
18 Votes
,5.58 Score
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Be careful with this one 2/26/2017
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband:
"ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that
mean?" Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute,
delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot." Wife:
"Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband:
... "I'm just kidding!"
1 Comments, 59 Views,
17 Votes
,5.81 Score
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SCAM ALERT 2/26/2017
Just got scammed out of $25.
Bought Tiger Woods DVD entitled "My Favorite 18 Holes".
Turns out it's all about golf.
Absolute waste of money!
Pass this on so others don't get scammed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol.
1 Comments, 29 Views,
10 Votes
,4.38 Score
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Little Bruce 2/21/2017
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they know
they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get
married, so Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him
for her hand.
Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, "Mr. Smith,
me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in
marriage."
Thinking that this was just the cutest thing, Mr. Smith
replies, ...
2 Comments, 140 Views,
7 Votes
,4.82 Score
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Bathtub Test 2/19/2017
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the Director
how do You determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
'Well, ' said the Director, 'we fill up a
bathtub, then we offer a Teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him
or her to empty the bathtub.'
'Oh, I understand, ' I said. 'A norm al person
would ask for the bucket..
No a ...
4 Comments, 133 Views,
24 Votes
,5.40 Score
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Big Trouble 2/19/2017
The population of this country is 300 million.
160 million are retired.
That leaves 140 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school.
Which leaves 55 million to do the work.
Of this there are 35 million employed by the federal government.
Leaving 15 million to do the work.
2.8 million are in the armed forces.
Which ...
5 Comments, 119 Views,
15 Votes
,4.82 Score
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Firetruck 2/19/2017
A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station
when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon
with little ladders hung off the sides & a garden hose
tightly coiled in the middle.
The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon
was being pulled by her dog & her cat.
The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That
sure is a nice fire ...
2 Comments, 119 Views,
22 Votes
,5.05 Score
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Orgasm Problem 2/19/2017
Woman goes to her doctor...And says “Doctor, every time I sneeze I have an orgasm!” .
Doctor says...“Are you doing anything for it?” “
Yea Snorting pepper.”
1 Comments, 54 Views,
12 Votes
,3.86 Score
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War Wounds 2/18/2017
There was a soldier in Nam that was famous for his socializing.
After about a year, he noticed a problem with his friend
and went in for a checkup. They had never seen anything quite
like the problem he had, but treated him with the usual meds
for social diseases. After the usual amount of time, they
noticed that the problem had not gone away, but had gotten
worse. They decided to send him to a ...
0 Comments, 97 Views,
7 Votes
,3.04 Score
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Math 2/17/2017
Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter
in a girl’s name is?
Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please
tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.
Me: What is a vowel?
Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh
…
Me: Close enough.
0 Comments, 46 Views,
11 Votes
,1.86 Score
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Birthday 2/17/2017
A kindly old lady came across a little boy sitting on the
pavement crying his eyes out.
‘What’s the matter?’ she asked. ‘It’s my birthday!’
he hollered.
‘And I had a bicycle and a new tracksuit and this afternoon
there’s to be a party with crisps and jelly and a birthday
cake and a disco afterwards. . .’ and he had to stop talking
because he was crying so hard. ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Gold Medalist 2/17/2017
Three women were sitting around talking about their sex
lives.
The first said, “I think my husband’s like a championship
golfer.
He’s spent the last ten years perfecting his stroke.”
The second woman said, “My husband’s like the winner
of the Indy 500.
Every time we get into bed he gives me several hundred exciting
laps.”
The ...
0 Comments, 74 Views,
5 Votes
,3.80 Score
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Blow job 2/17/2017
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?”
The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have
ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful
woman who gave it to me.”
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile
on her face.
Her maid of honour asks, ...
0 Comments, 67 Views,
2 Votes
,5.20 Score
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Blow job 2/17/2017
A groom waits at the altar with a huge smile on his face.
His best man asks, “Why do you look so excited?”
The groom replies, “I just had the best blow job I have
ever had in my entire life, and I am marrying the wonderful
woman who gave it to me.”
The bride waits at the other end of the aisle with a huge smile
on her face.
Her maid of honour asks, ...
0 Comments, 19 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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The Bet 2/17/2017
Three Friends an Italian a German and a Greek they decided
to bet it’s other 100 euros who is going to make their wives
scream more from sex.
So they all go home to have sex with their wives so they make
them scream. The next day the meet.
The Italian says, “I made love to my wife for 2 hours and
she was screaming for at least 1 1/2 hours.”
The German says, ...
0 Comments, 68 Views,
4 Votes
,5.19 Score
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Adult 2/17/2017
Gordon Brown was lookin for a lady of the night.
He found a girl in a local pub.
He said: “I’m Prime minister of England, how much would
it cost me to spend time with you …?”
Her reply: “Mr prime minister, if you can get my skirt
as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, your dick
as hard as the times we’re living in and keep it rising
like the price ...
0 Comments, 31 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Adult 2/17/2017
Gordon Brown was lookin for a lady of the night.
He found a girl in a local pub.
He said: “I’m Prime minister of England, how much would
it cost me to spend time with you …?”
Her reply: “Mr prime minister, if you can get my skirt
as high as my taxes, my pants as low as my wages, your dick
as hard as the times we’re living in and keep it rising
like the price ...
0 Comments, 26 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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!!! 2/17/2017
A man decides to take off early from work and go drinking.
He stays until the bar closes at 2am, at which time he is extremely
drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone,
so he takes off his shoes and starts tip-toeing up the stairs.
Half-way up the stairs, he falls over backwards and lands
flat on his rear end. That wouldn’t have been so bad, except that he had couple
of ...
0 Comments, 57 Views,
4 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Blonde 2/17/2017
Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven.
1 Comments, 8 Views,
4 Votes
,4.80 Score
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Interview!!!! 2/17/2017
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources
Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts
Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary
are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In
the region of $125, 000 a year, depending on the benefits
package." The interviewer inquires, "Well,
what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14
paid holidays, full ...
0 Comments, 42 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Blonde 2/17/2017
A blonde and a redhead have a ranch. They have just lost their
bull. The women need to buy another, but only have $500.
The redhead tells the blonde, "I will go to the market
and see if I can find one for under that amount. If I can, I
will send you a telegram." She goes to the market and
finds one for $499. Having only one dollar left, she goes
to the telegraph office and finds out that it costs ...
1 Comments, 55 Views,
5 Votes
,4.12 Score
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Lil Johnny 2/17/2017
Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and
another 2, how many would you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two
cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would
you have?" Johnny: "Seven." Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave
you two apples, and another two apples and another two,
how many would you have?" Johnny: "Six." ...
0 Comments, 53 Views,
2 Votes
,4.50 Score
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Evolution 2/17/2017
A asked his father, "How were people born?"
So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then
their babies became adults and made babies, and so on."
The then went to his mother, asked her the same question
and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved
to become like we are now." The ran back to his
father and said, "You lied to me!" His father
replied, "No, your mom was talking about ...
0 Comments, 25 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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Fat cow!!!!! 2/17/2017
Teacher: ", what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat & eggs!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
1 Comments, 12 Views,
3 Votes
,4.90 Score
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Blonde 2/17/2017
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were
all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles
away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore
she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam
24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got
tired, and swam back.
1 Comments, 21 Views,
1 Votes
,5.00 Score
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Blonde 2/17/2017
There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette. They were
all trapped on an island and the nearest shore was 50 miles
away. The redhead swam trying to make it to the other shore
she swam 15 miles, drowned, and died. The brunette swam
24 miles, drowned, and died. The blonde swam 25 miles, got
tired, and swam back.
0 Comments, 9 Views,
3 Votes
,4.41 Score
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