CAUTION: A sense of humor is a must to contact this participant. If you would like to get into a battle of wits please bring adequate ammunition.....anything you say stupid may be used against you....other than that I cant think of anything else....so come on in...but wipe your feet. And, please don't write me to criticize my humor. I appreciate your energy but you've failed to remember the first principle: it's all about the "LOL"....we are ALL imperfect...have some fun and chill out. I'm down to earth. I am very creative. I've been on my job for 14 years I love to go out and shoot pool. I'm low maintenance. I'm not looking for a sugar mommy. You see, I won the lottery. Yes, I know I have almost blown the whole wad....BUT....it was the most fun that I've had with fifty dollars in a long time. "If a user requests money on this site it's a scam"....Got that ladies? Don't be asking me for spare change to feed the parking meter...oh wait! ...that means I can't ask for donations of your spare change to a worthy cause of buying a new harley....(that sure sucks) I'm looking for someone who enjoys simple things in life. It's not what you can buy for me. It's spending time with me. I'm in no hurry to find Ms. Right. In fact, I'm not looking.....I believe she will find me...but until then....I'm comfortable being alone. I would rather be alone than be in a lonely relationship....ugh...my past is showing there.....but its all good....I've grown from the experience. To those of you that are curious as to why I don't drink. Don't worry I'm not a recovering alcoholic. And when has it become socially unacceptable to be a non drinker? If you drink I don't have a problem with it. Just don't expect me to hold your hand when you are praying to the porcelain god or nursing a grand hangover. A WOMAN'S POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. A MAN'S POEM: I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac twins with huge boobs who own a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit. The End A friend and I were discussing fairy tales. I shared with her something I wrote: I don't believe in fairy tales. You see My Ex Charming turned into a venomous toad. Every time she drank her potion she spewed vulgarities at me. So I fled my beautiful castle and kingdom. My glass harley boot was crushed along with my heart. So now with the end of the old year and the beginning of the new I am looking forward to building up my own humble little castle and enjoying a peaceful kingdom. For I do believe a person can have a happy ending even though it may not be a fairy tale. Please leave your letters of suggestion, wise ass comments and your professes of undying love for me in the box outside the door.........have a nice day (insert irritating smiley face here) So I've been on AFF for a bit now and I get asked this question over and over again: "What are you looking for?" Let's just all have fun and get along UPDATE2: It seems that when you appear online that everyone thinks you are chatting up a storm.....news flash...if you message me and I don't get right back to you....most likely I am on my phone...what I mean is that AFF is an app on my phone.......although it is a smartphone...its just not that damn smart to answer you by itself.....which translates into this...I'm not ignoring you......I will get back to you eventually .....after all if I'm driving I don't text....you know that can make you misspell and we don't want that to happen do we? "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." — Dr. Seuss UPDATE : its getting to be the season ....owning a snowblower is a plus.... just sayin

My Ideal Person Take a rocket ship to the moon .....woohoo! Better yet I will cook you a gourmet meal of tator tots and wings dings...and even give you a long tall glass of koolaid..........now you KNOW you want it don't ya?